His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize