remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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