Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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