someone owes me an orgasm
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
