i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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