I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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