hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i will never coherently bang her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
