It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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