i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are the jesus of drinking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
