I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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