i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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