I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
