ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
