we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
