Have you finally orgasmed yet?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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