After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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