Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
