I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
