i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
