you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
