i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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