Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
