i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She even gives head with a lisp.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
