I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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