Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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You are the jesus of drinking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
