Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
