shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
