I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
