A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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