My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
