hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
