I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had sex on a roof
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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