about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
