Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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