Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
