you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
