i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
