Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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