i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im part way to drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
