I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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