I got chris browned last night
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
