apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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