My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
