the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
