Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
