I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
