yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
