i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
