I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
