sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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