I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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