three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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