There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
