No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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