His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
