So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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