i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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