i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
