Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
