she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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