Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that