Pants are for mortals
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.