how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.