How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.