I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES