You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why are your pants in the freezer?