If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?