He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it